There is You

Older letters reveal us
Before speaking in an instant
Without words
Older signals from where we made you
They have long since drifted off into nothing

I have your first pictures, black and clinical
They are old and curling, but they are you

Never having a chance to watch you extinguish you first birthday's candles
Never having taught you to pedal your bike, balancing awkwardly
Watching you ride away, finally

I like to think you felt only a rush of warmth and then went to sleep your sleep
I like to think I was brave and warm and caring
But for either, I will never know

I did not dream of you last night, I dreamt of countless other children
I am sorry, in a way
And happy, too

My heart, as confused as it may be, it loves you
My flesh, my bones
My child

My mind's eye envisions you as you may look today
And how I may have been different
To have held you
And put you to sleep with songs, or humming

You still live in me though, for thought is never truly gone or lost
Just changed
So in that, you live on
Drifting softly into space
Into sleep
Over and over and over